With much attention being given to youth violence and the countless lives it is coming, it is time to not only start to think about why youth turn to violence but who or what is leading them down the violent paths they lean to. While one part of the problem is parents and this is nothing new that parental responsibility is vital to a child being success. Parents’ accepting responsibility for taking care of their child and not blaming others for their shortcomings or their child is critical. However one problem that isn’t always looked at when it comes to parental responsibility is the fact that most parents are single and then another side is most parents are divorced.
I am one of those kids who had divorced parents and it was in the middle of my teen years so the effects on me and my siblings were disastrous. Out of the three siblings of mine who were still under age of 18 when my parents got divorced, I was the only one who graduated from high school and was a first generation college student in my family. But when thinking about my situation and what I had to go because of having divorced parents made me think about what other divorced children might are going through or have went through. One thing that I noticed as a result of my parent’s getting a divorced is that single divorced parents are not the same parents that were when they were married. Both exhibit behaviors that are out of character or out of the norm for what a child remembers of their parents.
Still the reason why I say this war on our youth is not just about violence and education but is about parental responsibility as well particularly divorced parents are because many divorced parents find away to try to brainwash or manipulate impressible children. What I mean by this is that some divorced parents try to use their child or children to get back at the other divorced parent. They do this by putting things in the child or children’s head that would lead that child or the children to hate or dislike the other people. I am not speaking from off the top of my but this is what I have seen and witnessed. Even until this day, with me being a grown man, I see every time I get into with one of my parents, that particular parents always tries to say I don’t love them, I love the other parent more, or I act just like the other parent that they don’t like.
Another tendency that I notice with divorced parents is that when a child or children is doing good, some parents like to credit for it but when a child or children is doing bad they blame those characteristics on the other parent. This is a part of the mix message that our children is receiving and with some children coming from divorced homes, the results can lead that child to resent their mother or father all because one parent has put things in that child head that leads them to do. Therefore that child or the children usually stop visiting one sibling or making phone calls to that sibling altogether which can lead to that child or the children to try to fill that void in their life in other ways. For a daughter who is without a father, they try to fill that void with a male presence that can lead to sexual activities before they are ready. Now for a daughter who is without a mother, it can lead that young lady trying to fit in with the in crowd in school or they can have low self-esteem issues with their beauty which can lead to them being sexually active as well because they want attention any way and from any one they can get it.
However for a son who is without a mother or father, they tend to lose what it means to respect women, what it means to be a man and what it means to accept responsibility amongst other things. Now in order to fulfill the voids in a son’s life, they look for acceptance in any way they can from their other male peers so they may join gangs, may rob, steal, skip school, etc. Also the son may grow thinking that being a man is having sex with as many women as they can. These are the problems that can arise from divorced parents but this is nothing new but this is where we start to deal with. Divorced parents also cause another problem in the learning process of a child or children because some divorced parents look to start dating again and they try to fill a void in their lives called love and companionship. As a result of divorced parents trying to fill voids I in their own lives, some tend to neglect their child’s or children’s educational futures. From talking to some of my friends with divorced parents who still have younger children, they tell me how upset they get that their parents are not involved in their younger siblings’ educational endeavors.
One story that was told to me was one child can’t even spell blue and they are 8 years old. Yes I didn’t stutter a child that is 8 years old who has a parent saying in the house with them can’t spell blue and when their own sibling tries to teach her, they don’t take it serious because no one has tried to teach her. It is clear that this isn’t the only case but I know there are many others but this is a part of the war on our youth that is impacting our how our children act, behave and live. Divorced parents are just as responsible for their child or children’s educational endeavors as much as married and single parents are. In fact a divorced parent must learn that just because they are divorced, they can’t neglect their child’s or children’s educational future in pursuit of their own love life. Too many times, divorced parents pursue filling voids in their life or get a divorced thinking the grass is greener on the other side and in pursuit of that grass they neglect their child or children particularly their educational endeavors.
It’s like Bill Cosby said, “parents would rather buy their kids the newest and latest fashions and electronics but not invest in their education.” Well when divorced parents do it, it is an attempt to buy a child’s or children’s love so that child or children are on the side of one parent over the other. This is not only sad but it is shameful because of the fact that divorced parents and the children don’t really understand what is happening. The issue with divorced parents is just one component of the war on our youth but divorced parents need to accept responsibility for being involved in their child’s or children’s lives which means making sure their child or children educational endeavors are being met above and beyond. True love from divorced parents isn’t in gifts but it is with team work from both parents being involved and engaged in the lives of their children.
Although parents get divorced from one another, it doesn’t mean they got divorced from the children they created. Both parents hold an equal amount of stake and responsibility in the lives of their children. Divorced parents must realize that our youth need both their mother and father in their lives in order for them to succeed. However many children these days do learn to succeed without one of their parents being involved in their lives and even some like myself learn to do it without having a mother or father to back them at times. Still if it is possible, divorced parents need to work together not against each other in raising their child or children because statistics show that having both parents a part of a child or children’s life, the educational success rate is a lot higher than a child or children with a single parent or no parents. We must deal with this issue if we are to save our youth and win this war on our youth.
The war on our youth is being lost in this battle but it is a battle that we can win in order to win this war on our youth but it will take all us from religious leaders to school administrators & teachers working with divorced parents to understand how their divorce can or is impacting their child’s or children’s educational future. Also it will take parents talking to their youth about why they are getting a divorce or why they got a divorce so that the child or children understand that the divorce isn’t the result of them but more so the result of the parents not getting along anymore. This can only be done in a collaborate effort with even both sides of the divorced parents family working to make sure that the child or children still knows that they are a part of both families and both families loves said child or children equally rather than bashing one side over the other. It takes a village to raise a child and it will take a village to make sure that children understand that not only do their divorced parents care about them but so does the rest of the village which are family members of both sides, teachers, administrators, and the rest of the community.
We must save our youth and win this war once and for all. Parental responsibility is just one component of it and divorced parents are a crucial issue is this parental responsibility topic that we constantly talk about. If we can work to weed out the mishaps and issues that divorce parents cause to our youth than this is just another battle and step in the right direction to winning this war on our youth once and for all.
SAVE OUR YOUTH!
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